Sunday, May 20, 2012

Charmaine: First Page

    The girl, while tending the chickens, smiled brightly at the boisterous bunch, revealing her straight “pearly whites”, or so her dead Ma used to call them. “Alexandria, time to prepare lunch!” her aunt Cindy shouted from the front porch. At that instant, Alexandria’s sparkling green eyes shone with delight, as any child’s would with the mention of candy. Her fiery red hair was held by a single ponytail, and it swung side to side as she ran into the slate gray house. “What should we prepare Aunty?” Alexandria asked expectantly. Cindy walked over to the Monitor-Top refrigerator and suggested that they make a simple salad with beans. The refrigerator had been Cindy’s pride and joy, since there were only five households altogether in the whole town that could afford one. Alexandria’s friends had always been green with envy of Alexandria for having an upper-middle-class and loving aunt as a guardian. Although Cindy had only adopted her five years ago, Cindy and Alexandria were nearly inseparable. During the summer, Cindy would take Alexandria out to the beach and buy her sweets, whether it be ice cream or apple strudels. During the winter, the two would stay in the house watching the flaming red fire in the fireplace while sipping hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. During the spring, the two would go for picnics in the park, watching the flowers burgeon. During the fall, they would rake leaves in their yard, watching the butterflies fly by. Never once since the adoption did Alexandria view Cindy as less than a mother.
    “Can we add eggs to the menu? I’m craving some right now,” Alexandria implored. “Sorry but I need to sell the chicken eggs at the market today. We’re a little tight on money this month because your uncle has just lost his job, along with the majority of the town. Times are getting tough, and food prices are skyrocketing. We’ll have eggs another time,” Cindy responded with an apologetic smile. Alexandria and Cindy ate in silence, and there was such a heavy atmosphere surrounding them that they could practically feel it. After Cindy took off to the market, Alexandria began to dust the house, but suddenly decided to switch up her chores a little. She strolled over to the stable, and started brushing the horses’ manes. For some particular reason, watching the horses had always given her comfort, but today the routine did not work its magic on her. As she was stroking Lily, her favorite mare, she heard an abrupt and eerie sound. It caused her to jump back and gasp in shock. She waited and listened, but there was no more to be heard. Alexandria shook her head at herself disapprovingly, and decided that she was disillusioned. “My mind is just playing tricks with me. I’m just having a bad day is all.” she soliloquized repetitively.
    She headed back into the house and started reading Frankenstein, and time flew by. Soon the clock struck a quarter to six. Alexandria realized that it was time to prepare supper, and made her entrance to the kitchen. She was slightly disappointed because Cindy had called from the local center informing Alexandria that she would not be able to make it for dinner tonight due to unfinished business at the market. Alexandria looked into the fridge, and dug out a cabbage from the humongous stash of vegetables. Her aunt had surely stocked up for this month. She swiftly threw on an apron and began to hack her way into the cabbage with her aunt's rusted cleaver. She turned on the radio and started humming peacefully to her favorite song. Out of nowhere, she spotted a conspicuous blood stain on her pallid apron.
She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times at the apron. The bloody stain wouldn't disappear. Suddenly distorted voices echoes in her head. Alexandria's eyesight grew blurry, and she couldn't take the utter chaos in her mind anymore. "Stop!" she screeched on the top of her lungs. Her mind spun, and there was a whirlwind of images in her head. Her dead ma, her dead golden retriever Perry, the list goes on... 
 Alexandria opened her eyes to a wooden ceiling. She sat up from a soft stack of hay and took a deep breathe. All at once, she caught a whiff of staleness in the air. It was a very distinctive foul odor. Alexandria scrunched up her face in disgust, and tried to avoid breathing as much as possible

2 comments:

  1. Really good. I like how you give background info on the characters so you get to know them well without having to use a lot of dialogue. Not that no dialogue is good either. I also like how there are flashbacks, which are really helpful for your story. A few questions: how old is the girl? because if she's older than five or six I think her vocabulary or way of speaking is a bit too advanced, at least for my taste.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i like that you foreshadowed (what i presume) will be the next event. i was just wondering if you're going to reveal how she became an orphan?

    ReplyDelete