“Can we add eggs to the menu? I’m craving some right now,” Alexandria implored. “Sorry but I need to sell the chicken eggs at the market
today. We’re a little tight on money this month because your uncle has
just lost his job, along with the majority of the town. Times are
getting tough, and food prices are skyrocketing. We’ll have eggs another
time,” Cindy responded with an apologetic smile. Alexandria and Cindy ate in silence, and there was such a heavy atmosphere surrounding them that they could practically feel it. After Cindy took off to the market, Alexandria began to dust the house, but
suddenly decided to switch up her chores a little. She strolled over to
the stable, and started brushing the horses’ manes. For some particular
reason, watching the horses had always given her comfort, but today the
routine did not work its magic on her. As she was stroking Lily, her
favorite mare, she heard an abrupt and eerie sound. It caused her to
jump back and gasp in shock. She waited and listened, but there was no more to be heard.
Alexandria shook her head at herself disapprovingly, and decided that she was
disillusioned. “My mind is just playing tricks with me. I’m just having a
bad day is all.” she soliloquized repetitively.
She headed back into the house and started reading Frankenstein,
and time flew by. Soon the clock struck a quarter to six. Alexandria realized that it was time to
prepare supper, and made her entrance to the kitchen. She was slightly disappointed because Cindy had called from the local center informing Alexandria that she would not be able to make it for dinner tonight due to unfinished business at the market.
Alexandria looked into the fridge, and dug out a cabbage from the humongous stash
of vegetables. Her aunt had surely stocked up for this month. She swiftly threw on an apron and began to hack
her way into the cabbage with her aunt's rusted cleaver. She turned on the radio and started humming peacefully to
her favorite song. Out of nowhere, she spotted a conspicuous blood stain
on her pallid apron.
She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times at the apron. The bloody stain wouldn't disappear. Suddenly distorted voices echoes in her head. Alexandria's eyesight grew blurry, and she couldn't take the utter chaos in her mind anymore. "Stop!" she screeched on the top of her lungs. Her mind spun, and there was a whirlwind of images in her head. Her dead ma, her dead golden retriever Perry, the list goes on...
Alexandria opened her eyes to a wooden ceiling. She sat up from a soft stack of hay and took a deep breathe. All at once, she caught a whiff of staleness in the air. It was a very distinctive foul odor. Alexandria scrunched up her face in disgust, and tried to avoid breathing as much as possible
She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times at the apron. The bloody stain wouldn't disappear. Suddenly distorted voices echoes in her head. Alexandria's eyesight grew blurry, and she couldn't take the utter chaos in her mind anymore. "Stop!" she screeched on the top of her lungs. Her mind spun, and there was a whirlwind of images in her head. Her dead ma, her dead golden retriever Perry, the list goes on...
Alexandria opened her eyes to a wooden ceiling. She sat up from a soft stack of hay and took a deep breathe. All at once, she caught a whiff of staleness in the air. It was a very distinctive foul odor. Alexandria scrunched up her face in disgust, and tried to avoid breathing as much as possible
Really good. I like how you give background info on the characters so you get to know them well without having to use a lot of dialogue. Not that no dialogue is good either. I also like how there are flashbacks, which are really helpful for your story. A few questions: how old is the girl? because if she's older than five or six I think her vocabulary or way of speaking is a bit too advanced, at least for my taste.
ReplyDeletei like that you foreshadowed (what i presume) will be the next event. i was just wondering if you're going to reveal how she became an orphan?
ReplyDelete